Wednesday, March 3, 2010

March 3, 2010 - exhausted

busy week so far. as i try to get myself more involved with the community, i am finding myself either glued to my computer at home, or engaging in the every day practice known as going to work. just getting thru the work day seems to be all i can handle. the moods continue to be more stable for me, but the energy levels have not improved at all since starting this SSRI. if anything, they have worsened, and that is frustrating. no swim for me since friday, and that is really upsetting, as i really miss being at the pool every day. i only ran half way to and back from work today and yesterday as well, due to exhaustion and knee pain (running these hills every day seems to take its toll).

Boston and Big Sur are definitely shaping up to be extremely challenging undertakings. i have pretty much accepted the fact that i will not get any real serious training in before these events. if anything, i'll be lucky to get in even somewhat reasonable 'weekend warrior' style training over the next 6 weekends. after my 16k and 21.1k runs this past weekend, i am thinking about doing longer but slower runs this weekend (which will be hard given how slow i was already running last weekend! heck, it may take all weekend for me to run 30k!).

oh well, i'll be happy when it's all over! for the record, this depression and its subsequent treatment has had no affect on my views that Big Sur will be my last marathon for a long time, if not forever. i am clearly burnt out from this sport. it is not fun anymore and i seriously look forward to not 'having to train' for marathons anymore. i just don't have it in me anymore. this transition has just taken too much out of me.


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